don't ask me how i'm doing if you dont wanna know....

so, do you you ever get the feeling, when someone asks you how you're doing or whats going on in your life, that they really dont really care? that they're only being polite and they're probably not even listening to a word you're saying?

these phrases seem to be fillers for awkward silences and long pauses, but sometimes i feel like everyone is just going through the motions of conversation, when quite often, they could care less.

maybe i am just being emo, i dont know. honestly, i'm not upset or offended or anything, but i think it is a little sad and also a little convicting. i'll be the first to admit i've done this before. are we all just too wrapped up in our own lives to pay that much attention to anyone else's?

and this brings me to another question.... if we actually are taking the time to listen to other people are we trying to understand them as well?

today one of my friends asked me what was new in my life and i just shrugged and said, "oh... nothing, really."
well, i guess that's not true. there is actually quite a bit going on in my life, but i have learned from experience that not a lot of people support my decisions or understand my motivations for making them and i find it very discouraging. so i've learned to keep certain areas of my life from people, because i don't think they'll understand.....

maybe i should give them a chance, but maybe i dont have the energy or the confidence to take any more crap from anyone. there are plenty of reasons to doubt in this life, and plenty of chances to give up. i dont need any one else to question me, i need people to believe in me, to have a little faith in.... my faith. i would never do anything i didn't feel like God was calling me to do. if only other people could accept that.

well, i'm not sure what i'm getting at. maybe i'm just venting, or maybe i'm trying to teach us all a lesson here, myself included. sometimes i'm just overwhelmed by people's self-centeredness and inability to open their eyes and change their point of view. i know, it's scary what you might find out, but it's also scary what, or who, you might lose if you keep your eyes shut so tightly all the time.